by: Kara Mendez
1. Slut Shaming
It isn’t your job to shame a fellow woman because she choses not to take the same attitude regarding sex. To some women, sex is just sex. It doesn’t matter how many people she’s had/having sex with it. It doesn’t matter if she enjoys having sex with multiple men, different men, often, casually, kinky, etc. It doesn’t matter. No one should care how many people a woman is having sex with. Women slut shaming other women only makes it okay for men to slut shame women. Let’s make one thing clear. Sex is awesome. Sex is natural. Women desire sex. Sex does not define you. Sex does not lessen your worth. Sex is fucking great. Sex is freeing. Sex is calming. Sex is therapeutic. Sex has many great benefits. What we should be worried about is the safety our fellow women. “Hello there friend, I see you enjoy having sex with multiple partners, I just want to make sure your protecting yourself against STDS and pregnancy.” We should be making sure our fellow women have birth control, access to condoms, medical coverage for birth control and other contraceptives, medical coverage for yearly gynecologist visits. We should not be worried about the number of partners our fellow women have had but if they are happy, healthy, and safe.
2. Body Shaming
This goes for all kinds of bodies. Stop calling girls fat to make sure yourself feel better. Stop calling girls “bags of bones” to make sure yourself feel better. Stop telling girls they aren’t allowed to have insecurities because they have “the perfect body”. Stop telling plus size women they aren’t beautiful. Just Stop. Tell your fellow women that EVERYONE is beautiful. EVERYONE deserves respect, love, support, and a feeling of acceptance. Educate yourself on different body types– just because someone is heavier than deemed acceptable by society does not mean they are unhealthy, just because someone is thinner than society deemed acceptable doesn’t mean they have an eating disorder. Not everyone can look like “society’s perfect body” even with proper diet and exercise. We are meant to look different. We are meant to be different. That’s what makes human beings so beautiful and complex and wonderful.
3. Food Shaming
If the words “do you know how many calories is in that?” have ever come out of your mouth then you should slap yourself once in the face. There was a pretty big difference between encouraging your fellow women to live a healthy life and shaming them because they chose to eat something with a high caloric/ fat/ carbohydrate value. Sometimes, regardless of your diet, you just really need that chocolate frappuccino with extra whipped cream and chocolate chips on top. HOWEVER, this also goes the other way. Stop shaming her healthy food to make you feel better about your own. I cannot tell you the number of times while eating a kale salad, seaweed, some vegan/gluten-free snack, I’ve heard, “OMG! How can you eat that?”, “That cannot taste good”, “That’s not real food”, “How is that even healthy, like ew”, “Don’t you want some of my pizza?”. 1) I eat junk food often, probably too often, however to combat my sweet tooth and love of pizza, I eat a very healthy diet. I like everything I eat. That doesn’t mean you have too. I think the worst one is “You don’t need to diet, you’re already thin.” Thank you, but stop.
4. Feelings Shaming
This is important and never ever discussed. Stop shaming your fellow women for having feelings. Stop. Just Stop. Stop telling them to not be so sensitive, stop telling them to not fall in love so easy, stop telling them to stop being so guarded, stop telling them they can’t feel bad, sad, angry, annoyed, happy, etc. Again, just stop. Every time you tell your fellow woman she isn’t allowed to feel, or her emotions are stupid, you are making it okay for guys to say the same thing. How many times have you had a guy negate your feelings or say you’re being stupid by feeling the way you feel? How about we support everyone and get them the help they deserve. Having a bad day? Here’s a piece of chocolate. Upset? You can cry on this lovely shoulder of mine. Happy? Let’s celebrate, where’s the tequila? Angry? Let’s go punch the shit out of my pillows. Depressed, anxious, suicidal? Let’s talk about it, let’s go see a therapist, let me hold your hand; let me tell you it’s going to be okay. If you feel the need to shame someone else’s emotions because it’s not “valid” to you, then you need to shut your mouth and walk away because you are not worthy of that persons friendship. Feelings do not need logical validations. If we only felt logically validated things, life would be boring.
5. Childbearing Shaming
This is also important. It is never okay to tell a woman she is making the wrong decision regarding her childbearing future. It is not okay to tell a single mother that she’s “ruined her life”. It is never okay to tell a young/teen mother that she’s “wasting her life” “that she’s fucked up”. It is never okay to tell a stay at home she “doesn’t have a real job”. It is never okay to tell a childless-by-choice woman that she is “selfish for not wanting to procreate”. It is never okay to tell a childless-by-choice women that she will “regret her decision”. Unless we are talking about your uterus, your eggs, your child, your life, your decision, then your opinion is invalid. If we showed support for young/teen/single mothers, then maybe we could make their situations so much easier. If we showed support for stay at home moms, then maybe children would have so much more respect for their mothers. If we showed respect for women who chose not to have children, maybe society would understand that a woman’s purpose in life is not to grow and push out a life. If we all respected each others choices and gave each other love, support, and respect, our children would grow up in a world where they feel love, support, and respect.
If we stopped being fucking assholes to each other all the time our young women would grow up empowered, confident, and ready to take on this world we are leaving them.